Jump down the stairs and Walk up the walls

So much for having respect for the rehearsal space and protecting the production's privacy and having sensitivity for the cast and director and production team......

Why when I did nothing wrong but still get dragged into something.....?

I have become very careful with what I say..... And even more so for this production because the situation is so sensitive.... In fact, sometimes people think I am too anal about the details and small matters.....

Then why like that still can get involved? I don't know. I felt angry, I felt pressured but I can understand..... Sometimes its better to be reminded before something happens.... Sometimes people assume things then they just wrongly blame people or talk about people when people didnt do anything at all.....

I don't mind, cause this is so for lesser mortals.....

But the thing happening, was the maximum limit....... MAXIMUM!!!!

Whatever belief I had for upholding respect for the rehearsal space and sensitivity for the cast and director and whatever privacy people need crumbled to pieces..... It just went off to sleep and fly kite....

Why like that cannot but like this can?? WHY??!!!

Why big shot means let it go? Big shot no need to ask first before doing anything meh?

Why big shot then cannot reject directly? Where got like that one? Wrong means wrong already what..... Just explain why wrong and politely reject can already what... After all, we didnt start anything. We didnt do anything.... Then why cannot?

Why can say 'okay lah, never mind lah but next time don't okay?' Then I also like that can or not? Can I also say 'okay lah, never mind, but next time i don't already can?'

Why they can assume this and assume that but nobody shout or yell at them but when I assume things then I can get all the sharp words and cold stares and the crap......

So what if people got talent? People no talent can treat like shit meh? Those who treat others like shit better be careful.... Sometimes it is not because people have no talent... Its just that people chose to hide it and to grow it slowly.... Its just that sometimes they don't have the right chance and time yet.... You better be very very careful..... You have been warned......

Why I need to have common sense but big shot no need? Big shot no need to have common sense one meh?

Common sense..... Simple Common sense...... The lack of it just makes me want to jump down the stairs

Please don't ever tell me its small thing okay???? Its not a small thing AT ALL okay. Do wrong still never mind, then waste everyone's time...... It is super serious can?!!

Why do I spend so much effort together with the rest to create a safe place for rehearsal only for some people with no simple common sense to destroy it by walking in.... walking in LATE!!!!

So super bad example..... It totally unravels my beliefs in certain values that I felt pride in upholding....... Other things I might be terrible at.... But at least I have a bottom line..... Now bottom line no more....

Actually I was stunned by myself.... While discussing the issue at hand, suddenly I felt a surge of emotions so strong that I almost wanted to cry.... But I kept my voice very very calm and I suppressed my tears.....

Throughout the whole night thereafter I kept reminding myself that this is not about me, the world doesnt revolve around me and so on.... I kept rationalising the whole episode to moderate whatever I was feeling....

I know as one of the stakeholders of the show, I have the right to be angry but not too angry. I kept telling myself I was too subjective......

But sometimes, emotions are hard to explain and even harder to control.....

Stakeholders...... Backstage people considered stakeholder or not?? If so, why does it not feel like backstage people are stakeholders? Or do backstage people treat themselves as stakeholders?
Why do backstage people need to be stakeholders? Do the job and fuck off can or not?

At that moment, I really really felt like not doing all these anymore.... I really really really felt not crewing anymore..... Anyway I cant do backstage work well.... Screw this up screw that up piss this person off piss that person off........

Whatever it is.... this was a wonderful lesson, a lesson to show that life isnt always fair, a lesson to show injustice is like biscuits at NTUC, cheap and available, a lesson to tell me why I shouldnt be crewing forever..... A lesson to show how disgusting and nonsensical people will be and a lesson to show why following rules and upholding boundaries are useless.....

Thank you people. Why don't you all just walk up the walls and stay there, or better....Out of my sight......