Tuesday, July 31, 2007

End Of The Road

就当作你的离去起不了作用

Dear readers of this blog,

by the time you read this post, I have already decided to remove the blog from this address.......

Don't worry.

You all won't have to pretend. When this blog ends, there will be no effect on anybody.

老师是对的。谁也没有办发阻挡岁月的流逝。

I don't know how long this blog would be gone...... Three days? one week? A month? A year? 10 years? 20 years?

'人玩火的时候,受伤的总是自己'-HKT, in real life

Take one last look at this blog.

Take a good hard look.

You all only have 48 hours to do so

The only regret I have for now will be that I didn't wait for the 2nd anniversary(Aug) of this blog before closing it.

千言万语,尽在不言中

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Sunday, July 29, 2007

空洞的胜利

'This is a world of have-nots, not haves' -HKT, in real life

侥幸和庆幸

我收回大权了

总算没有愧对慧玲

可是这个胜利是空洞的

When I needed you, you were not there.......

我对你......太失望了......

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Sunday, July 22, 2007

Memories of Those Coloured Years

'死孩子,看我不抽死你' - HKT in real life

可能老师是对的.........

谁也没有办发阻挡岁月的流逝

'算了。再做什么也没有用了。已经没有办发回到从前了'

这句话说过

这句话也说过

这句话让我半年无法释怀

原来人们转身离开时是可以那么冷漠的

在回忆中的这几年都是黑白的

Even my redemption couldn't inject the colour that I hope it would

这两周老是想起过去彩色的天空

A few years down the road, would my life be colourful again?

A few years down the road, would I look back at these monochrome years and blog about it.....

不能再怀念了。

人是要往前看的

总不能一个人老是活在过去中

我很好

所以........

保重.........

安康...........

'原来很多事是后知后觉的' -HKT in real life

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Friday, July 20, 2007

As Tears Vanish

'Next summer, I am going to take NEVE Express to Gehirn....... If I had one more ticket..... would you come with me?' -H.K.T. in real life

Last night, when I turned around, I recovered some of my most treasured memories.....

As years go by, tears vanish, smiles slowly fade, memories sink to the bottom of your heart..........

Year 2000:

An exclusive invitation on your part led the two of us to board the monorail at Sentosa.....

Then our world didn't involve anybody else. It was just the two of us......

We saw the things that we have already seen for a thousand times ....but......

It was just different.......

Year 2007:

The monorail is no longer there 这里真的不一样了

And our world goes with it as well 陌生了

If I see you someday, would I recognise you? 记忆中的你好像越来越模糊了

Would I know what to say to you? 已经没有办发回到从前了

Five years later, would I remember you? 所以..........

Would you remember me?...........保重.........安康

Next summer, I am going to take the NEVE Express to Gehirn.

They said that everyone there is always happy

And nobody is ever lonely......

If I had one more ticket...... would you come with me?

If you come here......

You'll find me......

I promise.......

(Memories of those coloured years)

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Lousiest Stage Manager In The World

Sunday was really a bad day at work......

We had our first full run on sunday afternoon, so once I reached Huay Guan in the morning it was rush here rush there do this do that non-stop.......

Had lunch while standing and walking about talking to people.......

The full run was terrible...... And of course I was terrible......

I am the lousiest Stage manager in the world.......

How can I make such a fundamental mistake?

Sometimes, I feel like a disgrace to Huiling...... Too bad she is in China now....远水救不了近火.....

Got people keep telling me that I am too hard on everybody...... But I prefer to see it as ruthless efficiency......

Cause to me, only ruthless efficiency can get 170 cast to toe the line and produce a successful show..... Anything else would be possibly nothing short of a disaster.....

Although I have never seen a disaster show before, I would not like my name to be associated with one......

I would not like to see one arise under my charge......

Can you all understand?

I doubt so...... In your hearts, you all would always see Jiantong as a harsh, brash and hateful person......

这里真的不一样了........陌生了......... Jiantong is lost in the happy-kids forest of Toa Payoh......

After the terrible rehearsal, everyone left Huay Guan.....

Everyone has a group of friends to go eat dinner with them

Everyone else has their parents to come fetch them home.

Where are my friends?

I waited alone on the silent steps of Huay Guan for 5 minutes. There was nobody left.....

Jiantong didn't need to eat dinner.....

Where were my parents?

I stood on the silent steps of Huay Guan for another 5 minutes and looked left looked right..... Still no parents.......I doubt they will come..... They can't even afford a new water heater for the house, let alone a car....

I told myself never mind. Jiantong is an adult already..... An adult can eat himself and fetch himself home.....

So I took a taxi home.......

I am the loneliest person in the world

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Friday, July 13, 2007

Four Years Later

Been damn busy for this short period of time.....

Every saturday and sunday is a soul-toturing process attending six different rehearsals at six different time slots, saying the same thing over again 6 times, running around like mad......

And then there is attachment at school....... I have been sent to a secondary school to observe/ teach like a teacher apprentice.

At first not so busy..... Then later my teacher mentor asked for lesson plans and lecture notes.....

And her lesson plans are of damn high standard and lotsa details..... So you can imagine me spending most of time facing powerpoint, adobe and word documents.

Bleh.....

And then there were the normal academic kids...... Irritatingly naughty..... Every time after a lesson with them, it would be like a life-changing ordeal.... And almost everyday I repeat the same god-damn process of being tortured by the kids.......

Why do I keep getting the feeling that I was languishing in the 18 depths of Hell?

Thank goodness Express students were much better... MUCH!

It was as if I died and went to Heaven....

I need to take 8 more days of nonsense before regaining my much wanted freedom..... No restrictive office wear..... No proper body language.... no hard work.....

Four years later on this bridge, she still melts my heart away.......

Because of you, I've learned to cherish the people around me properly.... And take good care of them....

I......

.......hope you are happy.......

It doesn't matter if we are strangers now.....

We were the happiest people on Earth then......

When I turn around...... I bring away good memories of you, and leave those bad ones behind.....

Next summer, I am going to take the NEVE Express to Gehirn

They said that everyone is always happy there, and nobody is ever lonely.....

If I had one more ticket....... would you come with me?

If you come here.....

You'll find me......

I promise.......

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

翔鹰 2007

翔鹰 2007 is a show that I watched in the middle of Huay Guan rehearsals on Sunday.....

Just an update. I have been so busy since Saturday..... Both Saturday and Sunday I rushed about madly attending all rehearsal slots and doing all sorts of administrative stuff......

Was damn tired...... It was totally non-stop from morning all the way to night.....

Then got this very troublesome person called Gekleng who is a good friend..... He wrote and directed one of the shows in 翔鹰(Xiangying). So had to go down and support.... In the middle of a super busy day known to all as Sunday.....

Xiangying is a school production that is done by Anglican High School bi-annually. One of my closest teacher Lan Lao Shi teaches at Anglican High as well.....

Gekleng is doing a show as an alumnus of the school

I fell alseep during the second and third show because really damn tired..... Halfway through the first show, I got a call (which I didn't pick up) and a few messages which disturbed me from watching.....

So finally, after the break, I made sure I stayed awake for Gekleng's show and fortunately, I managed to finish watching it......

Gekleng's show, 心里有树 is essentially an exploration of how people deal with emotions of reminiscense, sentimentality.

In terms of the narrative, there was largely high aesthetic unity, meaning that most parts manage to propel the plot forward. However, there were some parts that I felt could have been done away with to tighten the plot.....

Besides, I also felt that the script was rather uneven, as there were some parts that were brilliantly written but also it had parts where the whole narrative seems to sag.....

I don't know what's wrong with me.... but lately I get agitated easily and always feel tears well up in my eyes easily..... At some parts in the show, it seems that I could feel the emotions projected by the cast and the script so strongly that I got all emotional

Perhaps its just me.... But I would rather credit the director for moving me as an audience

I felt the thematics of the script were not convincingly written and I couldn't really feel the conviction that the playwright had of the thematics that he explored

In addition, it also seems to me that the script decided to border on a preaching tone. A moral has two sides but the script seems to have taken the voice of one side of the moral more strongly than the other.....

Despite these problems, the actors were brilliantly and focused throughout the whole show.....

They were able to grasp the rhythm of the lines quite impressively, some of them more so than the others....

It is the cast that managed to bring a so-so script to look like a fantastic show......

Though the cast were good, they were not without flaws. Dewei couldn't inject a certain degree of flexibility and softless in his articulation and Andrew lost control of his emotions on stage, making the show look melodramatic at some point....

The set design was quite good despite the technical limitations that NAFA theatre had. Lights were okay but not particularly impressive....

Though this show's standard is still not close to a fantastic play 夜长梦多 I watched at the last 翔鹰, I would say it is a breakthrough from 全民恋爱

So in the end, 心里有树 gets 3.5 stars from me.

I would like to thank Nat, Karin, Rachel, Hazel, Weiliang Eugene, ShanShan Kunhua and especially Gekleng for the wonderful presents that I received for my birthday.....

To be honest, I am quite touched and surprised.... because no friend had ever remembered the small small things that I said.... No friend ever keeps my taste in mind before they buy presents also.... Not in a long time at least.....

Thank you very much......

AND I want to thank you.

It might really look like nothing at all at first sight, but when I read the words on it, I know its a really special thing...... And I can't believe you took the effort.....

In the end, its the thought that counts.... And I am glad to know it had thought in it....

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Monday, July 09, 2007

原来

'原来很多事是不知不觉的' -Mo Wan, In the Mood for Love

For that 10 seconds, I felt like I was not the loneliest person in the world.

六年了

原来没有你还是可以生活下去的

四年了

原来真的可以不爱你

原来当感觉消失时,转身离开是那么容易的

原来人真的是会长大的

(Don't worry lah, you are not the decaying monster. Don't be silly)

'原来很多事是后知后觉的'- H.K.T. In real life

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Friday, July 06, 2007

NEVE Express

Been attached to school for three days already.....

Its quite alright I must admit, because in between observing lessons, there was really nothing much to do......

But next week hell will probably begin as I start teaching.....

Sigh....

Why can't I be attached to a good school?

Whatever....

I still miss the days @ Drama Box..... Can't wait for attachment to finish.... The stint is really a distraction that is going to hinder me from doing my best for my August production.....

Plus I need to sleep early now...... TSK!

People, have you all watched Drama Box's community tour already? If not, do make an effort to go. I saw the full run the other day and there is only one word to describe it: GOOD

Its FREE
For more details, please visit http://dramabox.org/

By the way, I am now getting closer.....

If I succeed, I will work extremely hard to prove those people who didn't think much of me WRONG.

I will work very hard to make those people regret making 自以为是 judgements and writing people off....

I doubt they will, but don't ever turn back. If you do, they can all go eat SHIT. I said this as a once-friend

Opps. Sorry, Regain composure.

Next summer, I am going to take the train to Gehirn.

They said people are always happy there..... and nobody is ever lonely.

Today I got the train's name. Its called NEVE Express

If I like it there, I might never come back........

If I had one more ticket, would you come with me?

If you come here...... you'll find me......

I promise

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Thursday, July 05, 2007

Transformers

Watched the movie last saturday but forgot all about it till now

The story is enjoyable enough, at times moving at times inspirational..... Enough humor was injected into the story at suitable points, though I personally find the transformer visiting house segment abit too overplayed

Of course there were points that I felt it was ridiculous like soldiers enduring bomb explosions without ear plugs and still not go deaf

But the cinematography is really really weird.... Because director and cinematographer chose to have extremely shaky camera shots that was really headache inducing..... Also, the director chose tight framings and medium close-ups of the robots that didnt allow the audience to marvel fully at the magnificent robots....

Well perhaps there were corner cuttings because you don't have to do out the whole robot when you show one segment.... Like that was much cheaper. No wonder Spiderman 3 used up 300million but Transformers was completed for 115 million only.....

Otherwise the movie could have been a true summer blockbuster.

Next summer, I am going to take the train to Gehirn.

They say that people are always happy there and nobody is ever lonely.

If I had one more ticket....... would you come with me?

If you come here.....you'll find me......

I promise

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

如果 (If)

'如果这就是爱......' -Jacky Cheung, Perhaps Love

'如果这段回忆有期限,我希望是十万年' -Ah Wu, Chungking Express

'是我......如果有多一张船票,你会不会跟我走?' - Mo Wan, In the Mood for Love

Next summer, I am going to take the train to the Land of Happiness.... If I had one more ticket, would you come with me?' - K.T. In real life

'如果我们可以重来一次,苏醒后愿能变成天使,还世界一个开始' -Wuyin Liangpin, 天使

'是我......如果有多一张船票,你会不会跟我走?' - Li Zhen, In the Mood for Love

'If'

At times, it is a romanticised word of absolute futility.

Today went to Drama Box to watch the full run of their community tour..... Dua Dai Ji is VERY funny and meaningful..... Baobao Huiling Guanghui and Xi-ai are DAMN DAMN funny....

But had to do translation for the director of forum theatre as she is Malay so didnt get to enjoy the show fully. Gosh my translation skills are terrible.... So apologetic.....

Bianco is damn cute.

Oh well. I guess watch it again on Saturday.

The second part, which is forum theatre is also fantastic. I think fantastic with a capital F. Simple yet brainy. A good play.

People, please go and watch Drama Box Community Tour. Very Good. Free and got tea to drink. For more information visit drama box website at http://dramabox.org/

天黑我们在一起

如果天亮了,你能不能不离开我?

如果没有你,我会不会过得比较好?

如果四年前我没那么任性,我们还会不会在一起?

没有如果

已经不能再象从前了

所以........

保重.

安康.

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Monday, July 02, 2007

Cannot Or Don't Want

'When I tear you apart, I am going to show what a decaying monster you really are inside.'

Is it you cannot or you don't want?

Don't lie to me. I'm already an adult. And I am a smart one. So I can see through all the excuses you have...... Be truthful, kae?

Please?

I'm an adult.....

'I am an adult, I can do anything I want.'

I always say that to kids....... But its not true, cause I cannot really do anything I want......

I cannot stop thinking too much

I cannot stop being a fool

I cannot be wiser

I cannot stop being insane

I cannot control myself sometimes

I cannot wake up to reality

I cannot let go when I need to

I cannot cry......

I cannot stop feeling insecure

I cannot stop deluding myself

I cannot keep my mouth shut

I cannot drink as much alcohol as I want because I will be a party spolier

I cannot be an ice manufacturer cause it disturbs people that ice manufacturers gives sound advice

I cannot stop attacking people

I cannot stop being critical

I cannot slow down

I cannot stop demanding

I cannot suppress my jealousy

I cannot be heartless

I cannot stop being a loser

I cannot refrain from writing useless sappy blog postings

I cannot crush the illusions

I cannot just care for myself for a moment

I cannot undo what I have done

I cannot erase the regrets that I have

I cannot have limitless power

I cannot turn around and leave even if I wanted to

I cannot say what I feel sometimes

I cannot stop lying to those whom I loved the most

I cannot stop being the loneliest person in the world

And.............

I cannot be happy

Cannot or Don't want?

Some people cannot. Some people don't want. Some people don't want but they say they cannot

Some people lie to those whom they love the most. Some people lie to those who love them the most.

I cannot.

Next summer, I am going to take the train to the land of Happiness. They said people are always happy there.... and nobody is ever lonely.

Today I got to know its name. Gehirn.

If I had one more ticket, would you come with me?

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