Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I Wish I Wish

I wish I wish........

So Act 20 has finished.

I think its like the biggest production I have done for the year of 2007..... in terms of scale as well as responsibilities as well as effort and time spent....

For this production, I have learnt that:

1) You really need to work like fuck to make sure you have no problems in the near future

2) In Huay Guan we lead a sheltered, pampered and protected life

3) I have somewhat improved a little

4) Be careful what you do or say because it will spread like wildfire

5) You got to be the toughest nut to crack to get people to listen and fear you. Now in Huay Guan, almost everybody fears me

6) Kids can be adorable

7) Dance light cues are not so difficult when you can follow rhythm of music

8) I can follow rhythm of music

9) After awhile, you really don't feel like seeing certain people because they evoke unwanted memories in you

10) People can be really very very cold-hearted

11) Laoshi-s care much for me

12) Feelings can just creep up on you

13) Some people are just plain disgusting you wont wanna work with them in the future

14) The bus to ********* has lost its way

15) Kids don't really know what is love. Good luck to broken hearts in the near future

16) I can cry my heart out in one moment and cue a show without obvious mistakes in the next. I really didn't know I could do that

17) I can have tears welling up in my eyes and million things running through my mind and still cue a show properly (Though Huiling will never agree at all to this)

18) Sometimes you know people lie to you but you must act blur to give each other some lee-way

19) Magic is ephemeral. It doesn't last much longer than a lit cigarette

20) Victoria Theatre can actually hold 200 plus people on stage

Moving on to my next production. Drama Box's 'Ignorland of its name'

Really is every two weeks I plunge into a new production. Since May I have never stopped yet.... This year I have done four and soon it will be five

Going to be quite busy with Youth Incubator.... Never had I thought I would be involved in another organisation other than Huay Guan

And I can't believe I really went and took a step out... Into the real professional world of theatre.
Quite excited..... But quite sad and apprehensive also......

How far I have come. If you told the Kian Tong of 2006 that he would make it this far within a short one year, he would never have believed you....

Probably nobody would.

I went through so much since Zhou Chu. On hindsight, a year has passed and yet so much has happened......

Life is like magic.... Simply ephemeral.

...... that you weren't going away.

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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Act 20.2

Yesterday I lost control of my tears yet again..... Just before cue-ing a show no less.....

In front of Lan Laoshi and subsequently Manhua Laoshi no less......

不是说好把眼泪藏在心底的吗?

干嘛又失控了?

"死孩子,哭哭哭。哭死算了吧"

Laoshi said something yesterday that really made me cracked up.....

Its just her to think in my interests all the time..... Not many people do it for me.....

本以为已经藏好的眼泪再次踊上眼眶,真的不由自主的流下来.......

I am really no good at keeping my feelings or acting happy.... Laoshi say I wear my feelings on my face.....

"天下间最难控制的就是自己的心" -HKT, in real life

I did something that I don't know why I did.... But I felt I had to......

I just........ wanted everything to be fine......

But its not.....

Act 20.2

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Sunday, August 26, 2007

Act 20

This whole week never go to school at all...... Skip like crazy.....

I have already forgotten how many weeks it had been since I yanked my blog off.

Huay Guan Production bumped in Victoria Theatre on Tuesday......

Actually I thought it would be alot of stress and unhappiness.

In the end, I started to like it quite abit.....

Maybe because the vibrant energy of kids is so infectious..... Maybe because the teachers are all very supportive of me.....

Maybe it offered me a place to escape from the mundane and harsh realities of life......

I think I am going to have post production blues when it ends..... It has been a very long time since I felt post production blues for a Huay Guan show..... or any show for that matter.....

But why?

I haven't made close friends. I haven't done anything vastly different from what I was doing previously. I haven't gotten any beautiful and long lasting memories......

Maybe its just that I spent so much time doing this show that I will feel lost without having something to do....

If it was so, then it will take some time to get use to........

Work is really a good way to escape and pretend that everything is fine.....

No matter what, I will try to pretend hard that I am happy......

And maybe I have been doing it so well that people really think I actually am..... So says a message from 老师.

Swallow my tears down to the deep bottom of my heart..... And one day.... things are really going to be fine right?

Right?

Act 20.

Act happy.

Act strong.

Act.....

Like the world has not stopped moving......

"我把心留下来,身体给了它" -HKT, in real life

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Sunday, August 19, 2007

放耳朵去流浪

I got into the Drama Box Youth Incubator Programme

Er......

Did it sound as good as I wanted it to sound previously?

'谁也没有办发阻挡岁月的流逝'

这句话老是盘旋在我脑海里......可是对我已经起不了作用了......眼泪都干掉了

I always feel extremely lousy on Sundays...... And this is another one of them.....

把眼睛闭上........放耳朵去流浪

The moon now seems further away than ever before

I want to ask God if this is his idea of fun

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Monday, August 13, 2007

Fuck the Ephemeral World

Hello dear readers.....

Opps, where are all my readers? O. I forgot that I removed my blog

My first week without any readers for a month......

Will I have any more readers when I go back to my original blog address?

Will people remember to come back and read my boring entries after a month?

Who knows?

Who cares?

I care.......

Love the ones that stay in my heart.

Fuck the rest of the ephemeral world.

Watched 'Lee Dai Soh' with Zhong Kunhua.... I like it quite abit..... but the cantonese was quite terrible.....

Thanks Kunhua.... You accompanied me on my down days.....

Don't worry.....

No matter what happens, I will act as if I am very happy and I get along with life wonderfully well....

Hide my tears behind the brightest smile..... And fill my world with words.....

Maybe one day......Things will really become fine.....

Rehearsals get along fine.... but its really tiring and the work gets ridiculously heavier by the day......

And Huay Guan really offers no comfort....

老师是对的.....谁也没有办发阻挡岁月的流逝

每次说到这里,我总是猛烈的哭泣

怎么眼泪老是这么不争气?

一周以来,我终于想起一句很久以前说过的话

"天下间最难的事就是人的事了"

I am just going to be damn glad when this is all over...... Huay Guan is a place that brings back so many sad memories....

Reminders of cold hard words..... Reminders of my lonely days.... Reminders of my failures

Need to run away from it for awhile..... and let it all fade away......

"傻瓜。烟抽多了对身体没好处"

With those lingering words I took the stick away from between his fingers

"我把心留下来,身体给了它" -HKT, in real life

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