According To My Friends

Yesterday (29th May) after 'Full Frontal' rehearsals I went to celebrate Gekleng's birthday with the rest of them....

By the way, 'Full Frontal' is fine..... Get to work with a galaxy of theatre stars like Doreen Toh (Catpeople, 0501) Goh Guat Kian (First Family, Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea, Nothing, Mama looking for her cat) Johnny Ng (Trash, Thunderstorm) Guanghui (Trash, Tales of Liaozhai, Cloud Nine, Shithole) and Danny Yeo (Cloud Nine, Tales of Liaozhai).....

And my idol, Li Xie (Virginalogues, Shithole, Trash, Stranger At Home, Cloud Nine, Tales of Liaozhai)

And I thought my job was slightly easier than in Momo

Anyway, during the birthday celebrations, I had too much a drink......

And according to my friends, I got drunk.... Very drunk.....

Well probably its true because I don't remember anything besides vomitting and ending in my own bed.....

Thanks to everyone who sent me home... and those who took care of me while I was drunk......辛苦了

I am glad people are there to care for me when I needed it

According to my friends, I did scary things when I was drunk.....

Sorry to those who were frightened by me....... Normally I am not a crazy person... Maybe just drank abit too much....

I can't remember what I did and said..... But I hope I never said what I keep to myself deep down......For example, Gekleng is not a pig or he is a very big bigmouth..... Haha

In the morning, my mom woke me up at 6.30am to give me a big scolding......Aiyah, adult already still want to treat me like a kid... Damn

And she called me to scold me again while she was at work in the afternoon.... So free.....

In the end......

喝醉了真的会睡的安稳

No bad dreams or unrealistic beautiful dreams. Just peaceful sleep..... Like dead.....

狼狈真的比失去难受

Sometimes

Sometimes.......

Sometimes we are sad....

Sometimes we feel small.....

Sometimes we just feel like we cannot cheer up for a long long time.....

Sometimes we don't feel like eating anything at all even though we haven't been eating for the day.....

Sometimes we ask ourselves why.....

Sometimes we tell ourselves why......

Sometimes we tolerate it....

Sometimes we break down crying.....

Sometimes we hate ourselves....

Sometimes we think we are very stupid.....

Sometimes we make people cry.....

Sometimes we wish we had more control over our own lives.....

Sometimes we simply refuse to let go.....

Sometimes we just feel like dying....

Sometimes we just can't bear to part with each other....

Sometimes we feel tired......

Sometimes we wish people are abit less mean....

Sometimes we wish people are more understanding....

Sometimes we walk so fast that we forgot about our friends....

Sometimes we hurt the people who love us most the deepest.....

Sometimes we lie to those whom we love the most.....

Sometimes love just ain't enough

Sometimes we refuse to let go.....

Sometimes refusing to let go causes us the most pain.....

Sometimes.....

I wish the world wasn't so complex.

Yesterday I dreamt of a friend (out of nowhere) whom have not been in contact for like a year.....

We were colleagues during our army days......

We went to a trip to a foreign land..... I didn't know where it was.....

He was the tour guide.....

We enjoyed each other's campanionship.... we had great fun..... And it was like we were never strangers before........

Everything felt so real...... And somehow I felt less lonely......

Then I woke up..... And it was a dark and bitter world again.....

And I became more afraid of the problems I am having.....

Sigh.

Sometimes, people can just creep into your dreams like that

What colour is your sky?

How do I start on this posting?

Okay, I have already started........ But I got a thousand and one things I want to say at the same time......

Like I said, I am in the emotional doldrums for the weekend...... Brooding about some stuff.... I couldnt really say its a roller coaster ride...... Because it was defintely all the way down...

And I was sick for the past few days..... Lots of phlegm... swollen throat... nausea.... fever.... headache.... poor appetite...

It had climaxed beautifully tonight on a Sunday night by sending me on the highway to a fever.....

Yet it was the most uneasy, emotionally draining night I have experienced in months...

And I soldiered on.... for the sake of both of us.... Or was it just for my own sake?

Can't be sure.... Sort of confused now.....Caused my mind is a little clouded by the soaring temperatures..... Damn it

I am sorry for everything.... I.....

It could have been a very different night...... But it ended up like that.... I am very sorry

I am damn scared now..... But we had to talk that's for sure.......

If we can get through this together, we will be better. Don't worry. I'm sure we will be.... That is IF we manage to get through

Actually, I really don't want memories of this weekend.... For others, it was a great week but for me, it was some sort of hell.... Both emotionally and physically...

But if I remember anything, it would be these two lines:

My sky isn't blue.
What colour is your sky?

When I heard this, my heart broke

Onslaught's Arrival

This few days I don't feel good at all.....

I got a cauldron of emotions bottled up inside me...... All the dark thoughts and repressions and supressions all trapped inside this one big container.....

Like Professor X, founder and leader of the X-men.

One day, my repressed dark side is going to unleash itself, but for now, I muster whatever control I have left to continue its containment....

Professor X, being the planet's most powerful telepathic mutant, is able to exercise his powers and block out his darkest thoughts and repressed emotions.

However, one day, his dark side accidentally fused with the sub-concious of Magneto, creating the all powerful Onslught, which possessed both telepathic and magnetism powers from Professor X and Magneto......

Charles X Xavier. Eric Lensherr. The world's 2 most powerful mutants combined.

You can imagine that Onslaught was practically unstoppable..... Until somebody, I can't remember who though, managed to trap Professor X's dark side and block it out from Magneto's sub-concious.

I don't want to end up like Professor. I don't wish for Onslaught's arrival in my world......

I hoped for this and I hoped for that...... But they don't happen at all..... Why?

I mean...... Is it too much to ask for?

Is it too much to hope for?

Am I too demanding?

I am not demanding..... right?

Right?

大势已去

I am very tired..... Really.....

真的不一样了.......陌生了

Tomorrow actually I don't have to go huayguan so early....... But I decided to go anyway......

I realise I felt at a loss when thinking about the prospect of staying at home.....

I didn't know what to do..... I didn't want to stay at home.......

Drama Box is not open tomorrow, so no more processing feedback forms for the week....... Thank goodness for more work at Drama Box next week.... And also 'Full Frontal' which is coming along.....

Then community tour as well.........

Without all these, my world will be suddenly very empty..... And I really hate that feeling.......

我并不懦弱你比谁都懂.......

虽然寂寞......

这会是我.......最后的宽容.

I am the loneliest person in the world

坏天气

Okay, I am going to make myself very clear once and for all.

I may have no say over their say, but that probably doesnt mean that I cannot give advice.....

I didnt say that I wanted to have a say in their say. But I do give advice. I didnt demand that people follow my advice. If they think they want it their way, it is up to them.

Anyway its not only me who says the same thing. BUT I am the only one who says it loudly.

Anyway I didnt say cannot this cannot that. Of course CAN. But there is a better and less ugly way to do it for sure.

AND That was what I meant!

If people misunderstood me and stuck labels onto me quickly, it is fine with me because I cannot control it.....

By the way, I got something to say to some dear kids.

Dear Kids,

I know its hard on you all. I know that I raise high demands. I know other people are nicer to work with because they are always so forgiving and nice and comforting.

I know THERE IS ALWAYS MORE THAN ONE WAY TO DO THE SAME THING.

But I believe people choose a certain way to do it because it is very effective and efficient....

And I believe some things, you only improve the HARD WAY.

I learnt the hard way. I think you all should also because it is faster.....

I hope you all will understand. It is fine with me if you all choose another way. It is fine if you all don't understand.

Do or do not, I do not stand to gain anything.

People say or think that I look down on Huayguan after I manage to squeeze onto professional theatre with a small role.

For that matter, NO. I dont look down on Huayguan no matter what.

I just think somethings must be changed. That's all. And the good things I learn, I share. IF PEOPLE THINK I SHOULD HAVE NO SAY, then I have nothing to say....

If Huayguan is really doing fine, I wonder why our talents left the place.

I wonder why Big Huiling left Huayguan.

I wonder why Small Huiling left Huayguan.

I wonder why Darren (Zehui) left Huayguan.

I wonder why Wanshi left Huayguan.

I wonder why Yingwen left Huayguan.

I wonder why they never ever turned back again.

I wonder why somebody tell me not to have anything to do with Huayguan anymore.

On second thoughts, maybe I shouldnt really give any advice. I forgot I don't have artistic sense.
OPPS!

I hope its clear already.

And I think it couldnt be more clear

Fingernail Spitter

Bleh! Tomorrow going to help the Drama Boxers clear up their feedback forms processing for 'Momo'

Bleh.... Nowadays most people dont update their blogs frequently, if at all......Every time go online I will feel cheated.... Because I take the effort to go visit everyone's blogs but only one or two other people update frequently......

Those blogs that are updated frequently are just bland.... or plain boring....

Is it I too free or everybody so busy?

I think I too free.... I guess.... Never mind, I shall be oasis for everyone.... Everyone after their tiring day can come read my blog for pleasure, entertainment or news in Kiantong's world.... Haha

That's the Kiantong Spirit.....

Today was on the train and sitting beside this indian uncle....

Wah luh, he damn low class. Halfway through the train ride, he started biting his fingernails.... Not only that, he then spit out his fingernails, making the 'pui pui' sound as he spat....

Disgusting stupid uncle..... So damn low class... Educated or not doesnt matter.... This is a matter of personal hygeine and shame.....

Obviously, the uncle has no shame...

After finishing his spontaneous ( and routine, I guess) manicure, he started digging his noise..... Vigorously....

From the corner of my eye I could see his vibrant movement while reading my 8-days....

I felt so disgusted that I wanted to press the emergency bell and alert the train station master about this disgusting uncle.....

They ask us to be alert of suspicious characters.... how come they never tell us too look out for disgusting low class uncles..... They are all terrorists what.... terrorising our lives with their acts of inconsiderations.....

Speaking of inconsideration, terrorists better not be so inconsiderate to bomb our trains hor..... Singapore transport system is damn fucked up already.... Peak hour still must wait 8min for the train.... Can someone please explain the logic to me? Imagine got bomb.... Can start to walk already...

Why dont take taxi? Dont bother. Taxi uncles all like to change shift when we need them.... When they hear that trains are bombed, they sure quickly go and change shift one.. So no taxi...

Buses? Forget it.... Buses have air con like dont have like that.... Everybody stand at the head of the bus because fengshui better.... Bus go so slowly Gekleng walk faster than them....

Who the hell take buses?

Haha

God is in His Heaven... All is right in the world

Just finished Momo, then the Stage Manager for 'Full Frontal' called liao.... Just when I was watching 'Ugly Betty' on a happy Sunday night.

The Stage Manager requires me to be down from next mon 28th May onwards all the way to 17 June, when the production debuts at the Esplanade Theatre Studios....

Yeh, quite excited because I will be able to see my idol Li Xie.....

But quite sian because it means I will almost have no time for myself..... Last two weeks was Momo.

This week I will be doing welfare with 'Missing' for the kids at Huayguan... Er... sort of regretted it now.... Although welfare is simple to do but it takes away my time too.... Why I so big mouthed to volunteer.....

Then immediately when 'Missing' ends I will be doing 'Full Frontal'.... =-P

If I manage to squeeze in Drama Box Community Tour just before I go for my attachment with MOE, this year I would have involved myself in 5 productions..... One more than last year...

Crazy.....

But it also means my entire three months would be spent moving in and out of theatres. Drama Centre, Esplanade Theatre Studio, Victoria Theatre...... No time to recharge...

Okay shouldnt complain that much because that was what I wished for and I got it..... Otherwise Guanyin Goddess would find me a very hard person to please.... Haha.


This few days have been practicing in front of the mirror how to say 'goodbye' while controlling your tears......

I want to be prepared for the day when it comes. As the chinese saying go: 有备无患

'Goodbye' is the hardest word to say when you are the loneliest person in the world
Goodbye

路人甲

Today had dinner with Huiling.....She offered to buy me dinner.......

My redemption is complete.

Her approval is important for me.....

She really taught me so much..... Over the past year, I have progressed so much compared to the last 5 years in Huay Guan... This is my twelfth year and I stopped learning since my 7th year there

No wonder I dont have ARTISTIC SENSE. Haha

But I wont be proud.... Next production I am going to work hard at maintaining my standard.....

And I think I will audition for the youth incubator programme for Drama Box...... But the commitment level is high.....

If I am accepted, I think I may have to quit huayguan altogether....... Which might as well since I am not worthy of Hokkien Huay Guan Qing Nian Tuan......

But even if I am not accepted, I am already considered more or less departed..... Cause I probably will never do another production with QNT again.....

Working with the teachers of Huay Guan is of course another matter...... They dont require people to assist them replace drama box and The Finger Players. (Cue 'question mark' and 'exclamation mark' fly down from Bar 16)

Opps am I being too bitchy? Er..... who cares? As if other people think through what they say before they do it anyway..... Haha opps!

爱总是让人哭，让人觉得不满足，天空很大却看不清楚，好孤独.

别人都说我们会分开

Yes and this is it. MOMO finally ended......

And I am ready to reveal everything....

It was a happy production. I thought I was quite sucessful. Momo ended on my birthday....

At the start of the day, my stage manager bought me a piece of cake..... Then after that when the cast started arriving they all wished me happy birthday, even though we only have known one another for like two or three weeks.....

While warming up, some cast members sang the birthday song for me....

And fat pig who was operating the subtitles put a birthday message onto the screen, but that was before the show of course... Haha

At the post production party, they sang the birthday song AGAIN..... Haha

I think it was a really special way to pass my birthday....On a production with so many new friends.....

I didnt really planned to celebrate my birthday anyway...... but the fat pig had such a big mouth that he needs to use it and blow everything out of proportion.....

I completed my second professional theatre production already. And I am damn happy because I thought I did well..... MUCH better than I expected it to be......

And it was A VERY long time since I did a show which I believed in or enjoyed properly....

Now I am ready to reveal a surprise.

Huiling is my stage manager for this show, Momo.

Yes, the Huiling that said that I cannot be a stage manager a few months ago and scolded me left right centre during Zhou Chu.

The first day I arrived on the production she said she thought that I could try again. She said it was like doing badly at exams doesnt mean you dont understand the subject....

At first I thought I would just stay within acceptable standards.... Yes. For alot of the things I have done on MOMO, she had no complaints. And when Huiling have no complaints, it means probably it is within acceptable standards....

But a few days into the production she praised me for some things that I did.... When Huiling praises people, it must really be because I did well as she had very high demanding standards

Soon, she trusted me with alot of heavy responsibilities because her assistant was quite lousy.....

And I sucessfully proved myself.... To the person who didnt think I can do it a few months ago...

This is redemption.

I made alot of new friends and got to know alot of people in this production.... And most of them are professionals in the theatre circle.

Hopefully, my next few productions with Drama Box will be as successful

And Happy Birthday to myself.

别人都说，你害怕对我坦白。
只是现在我受更多伤害
由于这应该重来还是让你离开？

我是一个喜欢把最深的心事藏在心里的人。I think the two of them also

Yunying thinks I'm Vivian

Yah, for some reason my handphone number was saved under the name of 'Vivian' in Miss Sim's handphone.....

That day call her she tell me one.

For all her musical and hosting talents, she is a stupid girl. Haha. Don't tell her I said this.

Rehearsals was quite okay today..... In fact it ended on a very happy note..... Because the last person on earth I expect felt that I did a good job just before I left Victoria Theatre.

It seems that I cant stop talking about 'Momo'..... Yah I cant seem to talk about other things..... Actually I want to record down this process because I actually find it quite enjoyable.... Hopefully it is always so enjoyable......

Today went to the New Courts, New Ikea and New Giant Hypermart to source for props and other stuff..... Seriously the entire place is so big and intimidating.... But had quite fun time looking around...

Then had lunch at Ikea with fat pig Gekleng..... The food quite nice there.... Maintained the ikea standard..... Cheers to meatballs.......

I think I am getting fat like Gekleng also.... Eat this eat that....Then that day went Porridge steamboat buffet at Bugis with two cheapskate girls Nat and Karin......Help me.

Haha

I Don't Want To Be The One To Cry

Haha yesterday at dinner after Spiderman 3 Nat and Karin said my blog was interesting and unique. (Insert proud face)

Haha. That came as a big surprise because just two or three months ago Boonseng say he is no longer reading this blog because no longer interesting.....

Yay. I still have fans....Haha

These few days quite busy..... Besides long hours at rehearsals I went K-boxing with friends, watch movies, eat dinner, eat supper, talk rubbish....

Its funny that exams are over but I got no time to watch TV. Sigh..... But lucky every morning at home so I can watch 'men guo' and 'kangxi laile'

Had a chance to eat supper with some friends of a friend's sister...... Usually when there are strangers around I will be quite withdrawn and quiet because I am actually quite a shy person....

These people quite young.... 18/19 years, that kind whose mother will still scold and still have to attend school one.....

But I felt quite confortable around them..... Frequency match I think..... And the kind of humour is similar also..... Although I think my brand of humor is abit stronger, haha. (insert very proud face)

So in the end I talked like my usual self at the supper table..... Even offered to buy drinks when everybody refused to.......

Feel quite young and energetic around kids..... But I not like fat pig gekleng, because I am not a paedophile (恋童癖)

Shit. My jokes getting abit too predictable.... That day on my way to a funny comment the whole table managed to guess what I wanted to say.... Time to reinvent I guess.....

Momo rehearsal was okay today but had quite abit to do cause there's alot of packing and unpacking..... Tomorrow will have to go round island to look for some stuff that the SM needs....

I realised how pampered we are at huayguan because every time production can get teachers to help us out and there are alot of people and money at our disposal.... At Drama Box, everything have to depend on ourselves.... Lucky our SM is very good for Momo.....

And I really like the show alot..... I think as an audience even better.... If you know how to appreciate the very significant and brief moments

This is the kind of shows that I want to do. Good ones. The ones that I really like and believe in.

And I really hope it can work out.

Right now, it seems that I am getting what I always wanted....

I dont want to be the one to cry....... Will you dry my tears?

Spiderman 3

Today went to watch Spiderman 3 with Nat and Karin

I simply love Cathay Cineleisure on weekday afternoons. They are practically empty and you can go at 150km per hour without crashing into some human road block

Anyway back to the movie......

Alot of people say Spiderman 3 is disappointing and some say it is just plain boring.....

From the film point of view, the last part (for now) of a successful franchise is normally suppose to climax with alot of action and exciting fight sequences, especially for a superhero film....

But people who don't read the comic series don't understand that Spiderman from the comics is not always about action and fighting villians. It also features prominently Peter Parker's struggles against his own inner demons and growing pains as a normal human where being Spiderman doesn't help.....

That's why Spiderman comics appeal to teenagers..... Because it seems real and many youngsters could identify with the circumstances of Peter Parker. At the same time, it is also a form of escape from the drab reality that most of us grow up in....

I think many directors, especially the good ones, will have to struggle with the balance between deep layered drama and exciting fight sequences when making superhero films..... A good superhero film should be able to be excite audiences, but add a few more dimensions into the whole story so that it would not be so superficial.....

Ang Lee failed because The Hulk was too deep and not exciting enough..... Daredevil is just superficial... Fantastic Four was uneven.....Brett Ratner's X-Men 3 was just plain crap......Even Superman by Bryan Singer was missing something that I simply cannot figure out....

A few fine examples would be X-Men 1 by Bryan Singer, Spiderman 1 by Sam Raimi and Batman Begins by Christopher Nolan. They are exciting and there are a few brainy layers placed into them..... So these are good.......

I thought that Sam Raimi managed to keep the balance between drama and action.... BUT only barely.

Spiderman 3 suffers from impossibly high expectations of the audience.... But it is understandable because it is famously known that there are three major villians in the show..... Venom, Hobgoblin and Sandman, so people expected lots of action that go on and on.....

It almost seems as if the triangle between Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker and Mary Jane is unecessary..... But I dont think the movie could do without it.... The story arc gives a added dimension to the entire narrative and without it, Spiderman 3 would be another mindless blockbuster cheap thrill ride like X-men 3....

But agreeing with the story doesnt mean it cannot be better..... There are a few parts that I thought was unsatisfactory, like how often Spiderman takes off his mask.... The disturbing question of how come nobody sees him when he takes off his mask nags at the corner of my brain.....

Then the way Spiderman defeated Venom can be better also......

There's quite alot of loopholes in the story if you realise......

On the whole, I would say I enjoyed the movie quite alot, though it is not as good as I wanted it to be.....

Rating: 3.5 stars

谁要走我的心？

That's a good question..... but who cares about the emotional stuff now when there is so much to see and learn......

Just had a full run of MOMO today.... 2 full runs back to back with lunch in between...... Phew.... was relieved that it went well.....

Anyway had a fun day at rehearsals though it took up alot of time...... Saw the full version of the show and REALLY REALLY LIKE IT!

MOMO is a good show. Don't miss it...... One of Qingliang's more digestable plays catered to students.....

Learnt alot of stuff along the way.... backstage, acting and directing wise......

Now I believe in one thing.... some people are destined to be the one who teach you alot of things and help you along the way.......

Hopefully, I really can make this work..... So that I can stop doing crap productions which I totally dont believe in and do REAL shows......

Opps! Does it make me sound very snobbish?

Errr..... who cares? I am just a backstage slave waiting to be used by people........ Sorry no more.... If you don't appreciate my true value then I will ply my trade elsewhere.....

And discover my ARTISTIC SENSE of course..... Haha

'我放手....我让座.....假洒脱.......谁懂我多么不舍得?' - 帮未来的一个人说出他一只想说的话

别忘了我可是老谋深算的丞相

Sooner or later, this phrase will appear.

The smartest people prepare for the future that will hurt them the most

Phew!

Finally I finished my exams.....

Almost seemed like it was going to take forever to finish......

YES..... and now I can go crazy and have fun....... Or rather pay full attention to my next two productions....

Realised MOMO is going to take up alot of my time..... its like five hours every night.....

And the call time during performance is 7AM.... Haha... because performance start at 9am....

Never done a show before with such weird timings..... But I am happy.....

Got something surprising I am going to reveal after the production is finally over..... Haha...... All I would say now is the world is really quite small.....

After exams went to Night Safari with Yunying Rachel and Gekleng..... At first I thought we just went there to eat.....

The things there are freaking expensive..... even for a high earner like me..... Haha

But after that we went to take tram rides and watch their animal shows..... Made stupid comments like kids like that.....

Was quite fun actually..... The most fun part was when we sang Gucci-Gucci on the suspension bridge loudly and danced....

Haha, crazy old people.......

Thats all for now.... if I still don't sleep I wont be able to wake up for rehearsals tomorrow.....