How Singaporeans Choose A Movie To Watch

I have always wondered how Singaporeans choose their movies to watch.

I got a hypothesis.

This is what probably happens in the homes of some singaporeans, which most likely represents majority of the population here.

Home 1:

Miss A: WAH! Ay ay, this movie very lousy leh! Critics give it half a star only. So exciting. Must be an extremely interesting movie

Mr B: WAH PIANG EH! I think later sure no tickets one. Quick. I need to book first! Half a star means the movie must be a masterpiece. Push all your appointments away. Lets go and watch this.

Home 2:

Uncle C: Jibai. Why this movie so jialat? All the people in the world slam it for being lousy leh?

Aunt D: Hah? Which movie which movie? (Throws away her ladle and fling her apron in the air and run from the kitchen to the living room at 180km/h) Whoa! Si bei JIALAT leh.

Uncle C: Aiyah you so kaypoh for what! But hor, I think we must go and watch it leh. I don't believe what the other people say leh. They say lousy why we must listen. We are singaporeans. We don't listen to people who tell us to stand behind the yellow lines. So we don't listen also. MUST WATCH ARH!

Aunt D: Yah Lor. I always never stand on the left on escalator one leh. Then always don't give way to people at MRT doors. Why should I listen to what people say. Okay, I take taxi to the cinema now.

Uncle C: Remember hor. Later even if not funny, we must die die say its VERY FUNNY and well directed and Good film hor.

Home 3:

Teenager 1: Ay. Today how are we going to exercise our freedom?

Teenger 2: Aiyah as usual lo. People tell us to do what we do the exact opposite lo. People say dont smoke in the lift, we smoke. People tell us stand behind the yellow lines, we stand in front and jump off the platform. People say give way to the alighting passengers on the MRT, we make the alighting passengers give way to us. People say stand on the left of the escalator, we stand on the right to create a massive human jam.

Teenager 1: (Flip newspaper) WAH LAU. This director jialat leh. Kena slammed left right centre man. No respect for him leh. People tell us dont go watch his movie leh. So poor thing

Teenager 2: Then what are we waiting for. Lets go man.

Home 4:

Arrogant elite who thinks she know everything. Actually just a stupid bimbo.

AEWTSKEAJASB: (To herself) LOCAL PRODUCTION? (Fling the newspaper in the air, rush to the door, swing it open and ran to the nearest cinema to watch the show.

Haha

House of Sin (R18)

March is an exciting month as there are a few shows to look out for.

Being a part of Drama Box, I would have to advertise for them instead of other companies such as The Finger Players and The Theatre Practice.

They wouldnt need me to advertise for them anyway. Haha

'House of Sin' is a new original piece created by Li Xie (Virginalogue, Trash, Shithole), regarded as one of the best directors and playwrights in the Chinese theatre scene.

Besides, the cast consist of a galaxy of theatre stars. And here goes: (in no particular order)

Tay Kong Hui (Shithole, Trash, Ignorland of its Name, Cloud Nine, Full Frontal-Little White Sailing Boat) Goh Guat Kian (Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea, First Family, Nothing, Mama Looking For Her Cat, If There're Seasons, Boner) Julius Foo (First Family, Momo) Doreen Toh (0501, Catpeople, Trick or Threat) Peter Sau (A Language of Their Own, Trash, TKK, A Stranger At Home) and Rei Poh (Trick or Threat, Ignorland of its Name)

And their humble sound operator: Me.

Its a very exciting show. Must watch. (If you are over 18 of course)

Haha

Huayi Festival' 08

Watched two theatrical performances this Huayi Festival.

'What is Man?' and 'Like Shadows'

'What is Man?', directed by Edward Lam (Madame Bovary is Me, What is Fantasy?) is an ensemble piece that deals with the very characteristics and psyche that define man. This is the second time that I have watched it, the first time was in Taiwan.

The second time I watched it, I discovered the flaws of the script and direction. Interestingly, it was still considered a multi-layered examination of Man as it was split into four different layers, the observer (director in audition), the characters in the audition, the characters that the auditionees play and meaning behind the narrative arc.

'Like Shadows', directed and written by Stan Lai (Sand and a Distant Star, Secret Love in Beach Blossom Land) was at best, so-so. The tableaux constructed was hauntingly beautiful, but the narrative arc stubbornly refused to move past its first two layers into the promising material that it attempted to discuss.

Fortunately, I went in refusing to believe in reputations and I didn't come out too disappointed, unlike certain Singaporeans who bombarded the comtemporary master of theatre tactlessly in the post show talk.

Shanghai Nights produced by our very own local theatre company Toy Factory, written and directed by Goh Boon Teck (Titoudao, Longhouse) was just not worth watching. So I gave it a miss.

Well, but then, this is my own opinion.

Haha

Valentine's Day

Now I know where all the sucker capitalists who turned Valentine's Day into a super commercialised day came from.

NUS.

AKA Brainforest of Clementi.

There was a bazaar at Faculty of Science selling Valentine's Day products...... See all the greedy faces trying to grab money from all the clueless customers walking past the bazaar.

The things they sell were quite lame..... and to be honest, the people who bought something from them were probably losers.

Losers because they bought stuff that 2000 other people bought for their so-called loved ones. And they paid a high price for it.

Have anyone heard of my hypothesis?

On Valentine's day:

582 couples in NUS will have sex.

580 of these couples will NOT use a condom.

1400 bunches of flowers gone to waste.

143 people rejected by their secret crushes.

212 tonnes of chocolate were sold or consumed.

35 oak trees were murdered to make the cards sent in Brainforest.

2 packets of condom sold.

Next year on Valentine's Day, I am going to set up a stall. My stall will sell safe sex promotions and abortion services.

On Valentine's Day, I will play videos of foetuses being dragged out of the womb and embryos getting cut up or crushed.

I will display photos of private parts infected badly by viruses and bacteria.

Maybe I will add in a few Edison Chen photos for the special effect.

How romantic.

Haha

Dirty Photos

Okay. Finally going to talk about something that everyone understand and that happened on earth.....

Will readership of this dying blog going to go up then?

Haha

Lately some scandalous photos were leaked online....... And it is said that they belonged to Edison Chen and a series of female celebrities like Cecelia Cheung and Bobo Chan and Gillian Chung.....

At first I thought it was sure to be some superior computer techniques and some damn free people at work......

But then hor, the other day I went to see the photos myself....

Stop it. Don't call me a dirty fellow.... I didnt went to see the virginas or the dicks..... The whole thing was blown out of proportion and everywhere, everyone is talking about it that I really find it hard to avoid it.....

By the way, after I seen the photos, my mind was filled with images of private parts all day long.... I took two days to shake it all off.....

Don't understand.....

Why people think they are scandalous?

Why got so many people in the world, even the media label the photos dirty and immoral?

Is it because they don't desire sex at all?

They never had sex?

Or they never even heard of sex? Haha

What's wrong to have sex? And what's wrong to have sex before marriage?

What's wrong to have sex with many many people?

Why other people can but Edison Chen cannot? Those ugly and cannot-make-it people also can but why he so good looking and famous and rich but cannot have sex?

Then why sweetie pies like Gillian Chung cannot have sex leh?

Maybe because she carry the people's dreams of being the sweet and innocent girl that they can never be.... The public who keep scolding her maybe have too much sex with Ah Seng from next door or Ah Yam from downstairs pork shop already.......

AND what is wrong with taking a few photos of the most memorable moments of your life and storing them in your own computer for sentimental purposes leh?

If like that also wrong then tourists are very very immoral.....

Aiyah Edison should have just removed the pictures from his computer and place it into a hard drive. In that case nobody in the world can steal from his computer what. So stupid.....

But those who want to try my method make sure you know where to hide the hard drive hor.

For the public, stop putting yourselves on moral high ground.....

If you want to keep scolding the celebrities, stop having sex. No more photos for you too.

Haha