This is the Mist

This is how I felt for the past two days.

Illusions or real illusions, the truth is in between....

谁都不能阻挡岁月的流逝

忘不掉的歌词 Part I

就算把世界给我。。。。。。

我。。。

还是一无所有。。。

因为。。。

你离去了。

“既然要走，就要不留痕迹”陌生人，in real life

Survivor XIV

Well, I got to admit, objectively speaking, Rusell really played a strategically smart game. And he is definitely smarter than any of the castaways that I have seen this season.

But then, his biggest strategic mistake is the way he placed people in the jury who were going to decide the winner. The wrong way. He didnt think of the long run. Or if he did, he didnt care enough....

In the end, its people's hearts that you must buy. Not the game you played.....

People are going to pat you on the back for being capable, but they are not going to reward you when they have the power to decide, especially when you backstabbed them....

My heart goes out to Brett, Mr. Nice Guy.... Alas, fate did not favor you..... As they say, nice guys never win...

超大的铁箱也是艺术

This post first appeared on ARTivate's blog (www.artivate.blogspot.com) on 16.12.09
Pictures differ for purpose of posting.


最近到了伦敦一游。


闷在新加坡太久会变成井底蛙的，所以决定到国外去看世界。

伦敦有很多世界级的博物馆，展出或收藏物品的量和广度大得让人目不暇给。不管是现代艺术品，古典画作，古董，科学发明，自然科学，历史文物都可以在伦敦的博物馆里找得到。最重要的是，大部分的展览都是免费的，不花钱就可参观。

去伦敦之前，朋友就说在伦敦的博物馆里呆上十天也不一定看的完。当下觉得她也太夸张了。可是当我真正到了那里参观的时候，朋友的话应验了。花了一整个早上，结果只参观完维多利亚与阿尔伯特博物馆（Victoria and Albert Museum）的一楼而已。实在有太多的展出品值得去观赏，去研究了。


出名的博物馆包括国家画作展览馆（National Gallery），泰特古典艺术博物馆（Tate Britain），泰特现代艺术博物馆（Tate Modern），自然史博物馆（Natural History Museum）。其中让我印象与体验最深的，是 Tate Modern 里的其中一件互动艺术品。

这件艺术品从外观看起来真的很不像艺术品。基本上，他就是一个很大很大的货柜箱（以下照片）。当你站在箱子的入口处，可以看见是黑暗的，没有灯，只有少许的光线从外面投射进货柜箱里，内侧的四面墙也是黑的。眼前的画面，就是一个使人觉得有压迫感的大黑洞，等着你进去探险。

和朋友进去的时候，因为不知道里面有些什么，也看不见任何的东西，我们有些许由于，脚步非常缓慢。我甚至觉得有少许的害怕。可是走着走着，我们竟然到了空间的尽头。里面什么都没有。

原来，这个货柜箱就真的是一个空有暗的货柜箱。

我当时第一个反应：这展览品也太笨了吧！为了看设计这艺术品的艺术家怎么把这么笨的东西解释成艺术，我就去看说明的看板（以下照片）。我所看到的说明，出人意表得给了我灵感，启发和难忘的体验。

"How shall I move forward?" you might ask yourself, as you stand at the threshold, confronted by the darkness ahead. The unknown can be terrifying, especially if it is also without light. How you approach it is unique, as your first encounter with anything can only ever be as an individual. Staring ahead into the black void may make you wonder whether to move ahead at all.

'Its fine', you reassure yourself, "what can actually be inside?" How It Is is complete only when you, the viewer, enter. The container focuses you inwards, both physically and psychologically, deeper into the darkness. In choosing how to move ahead- to march in fearlessly, or to kirt along the walls - you create your won journey. But as you bump into others, or mistakenly grab a stranger's shoulder, your trepidation eases and collectively you navigate the void..

说明看板上所说的感觉，行动，思绪我在货柜箱里面都体验到了。顿时间，我对展览品的嘲笑变成了敬佩。这么简单的一件物品/空间，却带出了人内心的复杂情绪和外在行动的可能性。

再说，这些体会不会只停留在货柜箱里面的空间，可以延伸至日常生活。当我们碰到难题的时候，和在走入黑箱那一刻的反应是一样的。当我们面对看不到前景的未来，或算不到后果的抉择，在货柜空间里的反应也会出现。

想到这里，不得不为刚开始的那种无知的判断感到惭愧，也非常庆幸我去看了说明看板。如果没有参考，我可能永远都会是天真的愚人。

后来，我也发现，这个体验只会有一次。之后如果你在尝试进去的时候，你没有办法再找回同样的体验了。你已经熟悉那个空间了。也许人生也是如此吧。生活中的每一个经历，只会有一次。下一次，不管情况多么雷同，也已经不一样了。

最深层的意义，往往来自最简单的东西。

最简单的东西，也往往能拉近艺术与生活的关系。

我不是真正的快乐

今天，行人道上，我突然往回看......

我发现.....

我不是真正的快乐。

我知道......

我的笑只不过是我的保护色。

我明白......

我的伤从不肯完全的愈。

我怀疑......

全世界就算和我只有0.01mm的距离，却会像隔着银河。

没关系......

只要太阳.....

月亮......

地球......

云朵.....

依然存在......

没关系。

美术，从不会完成

This posting first appeared on ARTivate blog (www.artivate.blogspot.com) on 14.12.09
Pictures differ to serve the purpose of the posting

大概年中的时候，达文西展览来到了新加坡。曾经因为《达文西密码》一书对达文西这位名画家产生了好奇，所以和友人参观了这场展览。

许多人都以为达文西只是个画了许多名画的杰出画家。很惭愧的，我也是。可是看完展览之后，我才知道达文西除了是画家，还是雕塑家，数学家，科学家和工程师。他不只画画，还发明了新的油画技术，各种各样实用的原始机械和战争武器。

朋友看完展览之后，称赞达文西：“Da Vinci真的很厉害。他原来会做这么多东西。”是的，大家参观了这个展览都会对他的很多成品叹为观止，尤其因为他生于一个科技完全不发达的年代。可是，鲜为人知，达文西真正令人敬佩的是他的精神。就像很多历史伟人，如俄罗斯现代戏剧大师斯坦尼斯拉夫斯基（Stanislavsky）和德国物理学家爱因斯坦（Einstein）一样，他一生都在观察，研究，探索与实验。如此难得的精神，每次在他画画和发明的过程中都会体现。

 

在画闻名世界的壁画《最后的晚餐》（The Last Supper)时，达文西为了可以一边画，一边修改这幅壁画，而发明了全新的壁画技术。不只如此，为了能让壁画里的人物能看起来栩栩如生，他花了两年的时间观察生活中人们的身体语言。在画壁画的过程中，他可以一天内不停地画，也可以花好几天不动笔只看着他的画，一直盘算，计划如何继续画。达文西的创作精神真的让我十分敬佩。

到了展览厅的最后，有一个看板汇集了达文西一生所说过的一些名言。其中有一句非常精简和准确，让大家透视了他聪明的脑袋。

"Art is never completed, only abandoned." (美术从不会完成，只会被遗弃）

这句话概述了达文西一生的创作理念与精神，相信也能带给很多人启发和灵感。

我想，表演艺术也是一样吧。不会完成，只会被遗弃。

烟瘾

我还是在寻找一个懂我幽默的人。

懒洋洋的星期天下午，我突然想起了你。

我常在想，如果有一天让我们不小心碰面，我们到底会怎么对待彼此？

会漠视？会点头？会愣住？还是。。。。。

到了最后，我们还是不清不楚的。。。

都是你。干吗要和我说那一段话？干吗要让我觉得这世界上竟然还有人不会推我去死？

一定会有那么一天的。

虽然现在还没有发生，但我们的生活圈子有共同点，总有一天我们会见到的。

所以。。。。

我要去远行

到世界的另一端，去寻找没有你的世界。

再见了，陌生人。。。。我爱你。

Cannot Lah

You must watch this video about Malaysian Censorship. Its freaking funny and I think the auntie in the video is classic. I literally laughed out loud when I watched the video. And there are very few things that could make me laugh.

真。假

This blog posting first appeared on ARTivate's Blog

最近在看一部台湾的电视剧集《痞子英雄》。

原本想等电视播放时才看，可是由于看过这部剧的朋友都连声叫好，再加上他们的大力鼓吹，于是我去买了DVD来观赏（注意：是正版的。我没那么贱。哈哈！）。况且，朋友们都说戏到最后有很多人物会死去，世界会显得很黑暗。我喜欢看“草菅人命”的戏，也喜欢黑暗，也许因为自己的世界是黑暗的吧。哈哈！

乍看之下，《痞子英雄》似乎是台湾另一出平庸的偶像剧，可是我可以用我的人格来担保：它绝对不是！

故事讲述两位警察在调查一系列离奇案件的过程中发现了一个天大的阴谋。在他们的世界里，复杂的多角关系模糊了黑与白的界线，使他们在查案时挣扎徘徊在黑暗与光明，正义与邪恶，真相与谎言之间。随着剧情的发展，许多的线索和答案会陆续出现。这似乎让两位主要人物和观众越来越接近真相，可是就因为这些线索答案的出现而引起更多的事端，使得案件变得更复杂，离真相越远。

有如好莱坞电影 'The Dark Knight'，《痞子英雄》情节很紧凑，事件建构的速度非常快，接连发生，环环相扣。每个重要的人物都有高筹码，有失败的可能性。他们在故事里与其他人，事和自我有冲突。这些构成了一部张力超强的戏剧，吸引观众入戏，从头看到尾。

我看戏的时候，几乎可以用‘无法自拔’来形容我的状态。

夸张？哈哈，自己看了你就知道。

《痞子英雄》最吸引我的地方是它的故事似乎没有真相。每一集所呈现的线索与答案都会推翻观众之前所知道的事实，而这一集所谓的真相将会在下一集揭晓为假相或谎言。这使我一直要看下去，因为我一直想知道谜底，可是随着剧情发展，我又好像离真相，真理越来越远。
到了后面几集，当故事被推向高潮的时候，两位主要人物都非常怀疑自己，怀疑他们的世界，怀疑到底有没有‘真相’这回事。

这个问题也让我想起了日本现在火热的一部动画剧集《家庭教师里包恩》。在这部动画集里，有一个‘幻术师’的人物。这位幻术师使用幻觉来和敌人战抖。他常念以下的这一段话：

“幻觉与真幻觉。真理与谎言。真中藏假，假里怀真。真相于之中。”

这句话拿来形容《痞子英雄》的故事情节，也是再适合不过了。

其实，现实生活当中也是这样。很多事情你以为是真相，可是是谎言。有些事你认为是假的，但其实是真的。所以，人生到底有没有‘真相’这回事？而‘真相’又是什么？怎样才算是‘真相’？这也许需要好好想一想。

还没看《痞子英雄》的朋友们，赶快看一下吧！

UP

Went to watch UP by Pixar studios today... with who else? Zhong Kunhua lah......

Very good film.... Everyone must support.... A film to make you cry, laugh, smile, tear.......

Life as it is..... before your eyes in full colour....

But just take note.... only bright and sunshine people will come here.... so no matter what happens... peel your dark side away... Just for an hour plus....

I.........saw the house....

shrouded in mist......

surrounded by the forest maze......

But........

既然要走，就要不留痕迹

所以.......

保重......

安康......

陌生人.......

我爱你.......

再见了.........

New Play Season: Playback

So here we are...... finally.....

At the edge of the end......

Can't describe the mixture of feelings right at the end of it though......

Just wanted to say that on some days, I felt glad I did this show......

But on other days, I wished I hadnt done it at all.....

Its not that I am temperamental or when things happen to me, I feel like running away.....

Its just..... these things happen and they make me question why I am here at all...... I could be off learning something and doing something happier....

But in the end.... I still took away something.....

That the ends do not always justify the means....

Ends?? What ends??

Is the end the right end? What if it is the wrong end?

When you used the means to get to the end, is the end great? Does it make you happy?

What have you lost? What have you gained?

The end may be beautiful and happy and bright and sunshine....... But at what cost?

At what cost?

You can afford the cost.... but can others withstand the damage you did to them? Do you care? Have you spared a thought for others?

Can you truly truly afford the cost

No matter whether we are able enough or not, we cannot be so selfish..... We simply CANNOT......

It is just not right.

Right at the end, I would have lost many things....

But its alright....

Don't complain......

I can manage....

As always

When Everything In The World Is Just Alright

teach you something.......

tell people the truth no matter what, in the future......

dun be afraid to hurt them now.......because if you dun

u hurt them even more in the future.....

and what goes around....

must come around.

its not exactly hurting them by telling the truth......

but it is more like helping them with their expectations......

if you dun tell the truth and they realise you couldnt meet their expectations and you never say earlier.....they will be hurt.....

then it will start moving in a full circle.......

not too far in the past......

i knew.....

but i didnt ask.....

in the end......

when i blast open the lies........

unwillingly....

i hurt myself so badly that i didnt want to love again....

or i just couldnt....

just dont want to be hurt again.....

Love not, hurt not, cry not.

but you are still too young....

we are same in some ways....

wait till u experienced what I experienced....

wait till you find that you cannot love anymore because you dont want to hurt....

then perhaps we will be truly similar.

matters of the heart are difficult to explain and even more difficult to control.....

sometimes we said we will never be somebody's position.....

but we still end up there.....unwittingly.

just like how i promised myself never to let anybody in anymore....

but i still opened up for you in the end.....

Haha....

but its alright......

grown up oredi.... can't always be getting hurt....

so no matter what, its alright

if i dont let anybody in......

nobody will hurt me anymore......

Let you be the last.....

dun worry for me.....

everything will be alright.....

it has always been....

but for now......you will help me with the illusion

because this is the only one i cannot conjure with my own perception......

have fun....

and by the end of it all the fun will be over...

the mist will disappear.......

and so will the forest maze......

and so will the house......

and so will you from my life......

and so will my memories of you.....

haha.....

memories will cause nothing but pain if you choose to hold on to them.... esp when everything is but an illusion

leave it in the midst of the mist.... within the forest.... in the house

when all disappears, everything goes with it.....

Forget about it......

Just be alright...

Take care....

I love you.