When Everything In The World Is Just Alright

teach you something.......

tell people the truth no matter what, in the future......

dun be afraid to hurt them now.......because if you dun

u hurt them even more in the future.....

and what goes around....

must come around.

its not exactly hurting them by telling the truth......

but it is more like helping them with their expectations......

if you dun tell the truth and they realise you couldnt meet their expectations and you never say earlier.....they will be hurt.....

then it will start moving in a full circle.......

not too far in the past......

i knew.....

but i didnt ask.....

in the end......

when i blast open the lies........

unwillingly....

i hurt myself so badly that i didnt want to love again....

or i just couldnt....

just dont want to be hurt again.....

Love not, hurt not, cry not.

but you are still too young....

we are same in some ways....

wait till u experienced what I experienced....

wait till you find that you cannot love anymore because you dont want to hurt....

then perhaps we will be truly similar.

matters of the heart are difficult to explain and even more difficult to control.....

sometimes we said we will never be somebody's position.....

but we still end up there.....unwittingly.

just like how i promised myself never to let anybody in anymore....

but i still opened up for you in the end.....

Haha....

but its alright......

grown up oredi.... can't always be getting hurt....

so no matter what, its alright

if i dont let anybody in......

nobody will hurt me anymore......

Let you be the last.....

dun worry for me.....

everything will be alright.....

it has always been....

but for now......you will help me with the illusion

because this is the only one i cannot conjure with my own perception......

have fun....

and by the end of it all the fun will be over...

the mist will disappear.......

and so will the forest maze......

and so will the house......

and so will you from my life......

and so will my memories of you.....

haha.....

memories will cause nothing but pain if you choose to hold on to them.... esp when everything is but an illusion

leave it in the midst of the mist.... within the forest.... in the house

when all disappears, everything goes with it.....

Forget about it......

Just be alright...

Take care....

I love you.

He said: There are no tears to dry away on my face

Not too far in the past, I learned a very important lesson in my life.....

A life-changing experience which will teach me some of the hardest truths in life......

'人玩火的时候，受伤的总是自己' -HKT, in real life

Yup.... when people play with fire, the victims are always themselves.....

Why do you go do something dangerous if you know you are bound to get hurt?

It could be the adrenaline that you crave.... living life on the edge....

It could be the glimmer of hope that you hold.... that you will come through untouched with a positive result.....

Actually, I am not quite sure myself...... Even though I know I shouldnt mess with it, I still do it...... Maybe I am being ruled by the heart and not the head......I guess I havent truly learned to control my emotions

But sometimes..... feelings can just creep up on you..... Emotions are hard to explain..... and even harder to control......

It's like the mesmerising power of fire.... you slowly inch towards it, enchanted by its glow and warmth, enchanted by its bright colour in the midst of the dark.... you try to put your hand slowly towards the fire..... slowly slowly inch by inch, centimetre by centimetre, not concious that you are sending yourself to be burnt by the fire.......

People entered the silent field.... pulled at my heartstrings..... yet I do nothing to let it stop......

There are no tears to dry away on my face.

I cry not, cause I hurt not......

I hurt not..... cause I love not........

Learn not to love.... learn not to hurt.... learn not to cry......

Or dry your own tears

'Don't complain, I can manage' ~Lang Kim Sum

Jump down the stairs and Walk up the walls

So much for having respect for the rehearsal space and protecting the production's privacy and having sensitivity for the cast and director and production team......

Why when I did nothing wrong but still get dragged into something.....?

I have become very careful with what I say..... And even more so for this production because the situation is so sensitive.... In fact, sometimes people think I am too anal about the details and small matters.....

Then why like that still can get involved? I don't know. I felt angry, I felt pressured but I can understand..... Sometimes its better to be reminded before something happens.... Sometimes people assume things then they just wrongly blame people or talk about people when people didnt do anything at all.....

I don't mind, cause this is so for lesser mortals.....

But the thing happening, was the maximum limit....... MAXIMUM!!!!

Whatever belief I had for upholding respect for the rehearsal space and sensitivity for the cast and director and whatever privacy people need crumbled to pieces..... It just went off to sleep and fly kite....

Why like that cannot but like this can?? WHY??!!!

Why big shot means let it go? Big shot no need to ask first before doing anything meh?

Why big shot then cannot reject directly? Where got like that one? Wrong means wrong already what..... Just explain why wrong and politely reject can already what... After all, we didnt start anything. We didnt do anything.... Then why cannot?

Why can say 'okay lah, never mind lah but next time don't okay?' Then I also like that can or not? Can I also say 'okay lah, never mind, but next time i don't already can?'

Why they can assume this and assume that but nobody shout or yell at them but when I assume things then I can get all the sharp words and cold stares and the crap......

So what if people got talent? People no talent can treat like shit meh? Those who treat others like shit better be careful.... Sometimes it is not because people have no talent... Its just that people chose to hide it and to grow it slowly.... Its just that sometimes they don't have the right chance and time yet.... You better be very very careful..... You have been warned......

Why I need to have common sense but big shot no need? Big shot no need to have common sense one meh?

Common sense..... Simple Common sense...... The lack of it just makes me want to jump down the stairs

Please don't ever tell me its small thing okay???? Its not a small thing AT ALL okay. Do wrong still never mind, then waste everyone's time...... It is super serious can?!!

Why do I spend so much effort together with the rest to create a safe place for rehearsal only for some people with no simple common sense to destroy it by walking in.... walking in LATE!!!!

So super bad example..... It totally unravels my beliefs in certain values that I felt pride in upholding....... Other things I might be terrible at.... But at least I have a bottom line..... Now bottom line no more....

Actually I was stunned by myself.... While discussing the issue at hand, suddenly I felt a surge of emotions so strong that I almost wanted to cry.... But I kept my voice very very calm and I suppressed my tears.....

Throughout the whole night thereafter I kept reminding myself that this is not about me, the world doesnt revolve around me and so on.... I kept rationalising the whole episode to moderate whatever I was feeling....

I know as one of the stakeholders of the show, I have the right to be angry but not too angry. I kept telling myself I was too subjective......

But sometimes, emotions are hard to explain and even harder to control.....

Stakeholders...... Backstage people considered stakeholder or not?? If so, why does it not feel like backstage people are stakeholders? Or do backstage people treat themselves as stakeholders?
Why do backstage people need to be stakeholders? Do the job and fuck off can or not?

At that moment, I really really felt like not doing all these anymore.... I really really really felt not crewing anymore..... Anyway I cant do backstage work well.... Screw this up screw that up piss this person off piss that person off........

Whatever it is.... this was a wonderful lesson, a lesson to show that life isnt always fair, a lesson to show injustice is like biscuits at NTUC, cheap and available, a lesson to tell me why I shouldnt be crewing forever..... A lesson to show how disgusting and nonsensical people will be and a lesson to show why following rules and upholding boundaries are useless.....

Thank you people. Why don't you all just walk up the walls and stay there, or better....Out of my sight......