Falling Head Into Heels

This has not been a particularly smooth year for me so far......

A lot of things didnt go smoothly for me at all since the start of the lunar new year.....

Sigh.

Today, I just received the rejection email from a professor regarding my honors project.

The second time I got rejected by a professor......

And it is so late already. EVERYONE in the world has gotten an honours project..... EVERYONE except me. Now great. I really don't know who I am going to apply to for an Honors project. If I dont get one soon, I am going to quit school and enter the teaching service this year.....

No lah. Just kidding. Die die must find one......

One week ago I just heard from my mum that my aunt (who is her sister) have a kidney tumor. But we dont know whether is it a benign or malignant one.

Today I know. 3rd stage cancer.

I want to know: How come the assistant nursing director of a local hospital doesnt go for yearly checkups?

But that is the least of my concerns..... I dont know how to say..... but I and auntie is quite close. Not close as in we will talk..... In fact in the past few years, we hardly talk..... Maybe during new year......

But she is dear to me. And I know it will never be the same again without her.

And I feel bad for her. She worked so hard all her life..... she worked to such a high position.... she earn alot of money....... then in the end like that..... She has no children, no husband........ Lucky she has my mum and another auntie.

My mother and I always say we are lucky because got her around to solve our most pressing problems at times. Now she has a pressing problem, I hope she feel she is not alone. I hope she feels she has us.

I hope she will be okay. I really really hope.....

So the whole day I was deeply troubled by the two bad news I received in a single morning..... I keep thinking the whole day about all the bad things that can come along......

As usual, I pretended that nothing happened.... I pretended that everything was fine....

If I pretend that everything is fine, will everything just become fine?

It will.......

Right?

Today was the last show of 'Drift' by Drama Box..... After completing FOH for the show, I really didn't feel like going to the post production party because I don't really like to socialise.....

But at the thought of having to come back home, having to come back to reality to face all these problems....... I really wanted to run away. I really didnt want to go home..... I hated the idea of going home more than I hated the idea of socialising.......

So in the end I went for post production party...... Just to escape. Just to run away.....

忽然之间，很想不停的奔跑......在辽阔的草原奔跑着.......

直到.......未来

如果我装没事，是不是真的就会没事？

今我做任何事：天时，地利，人和，其三总缺二，安能成事？真叫我感到力不从心....

每当想起我阿姨的病，我爸爸的事，只能皱眉摇头。

‘天实成之，岂人事哉’~HKT, in real life

仰天长叹................