Hospital

'最困难的事就是人的事了' ~郑尚宫, 大长今

My mother was admitted into hospital yesterday. Doctor said she has pneumonia....

At first my mother only had gastric infection or something like that.... Then yesterday she complained of chest pain and muscle pain.....

My sister has funny thinking.... She said she didnt think it was necessary to go to the hospital.... Lucky my aunt insisted that my sister brought my mother to the hospital....

Don't know how many people died because they complained of chest pain and muscle pain and people thought it was not so serious at first.....

Too bad I was not at home... If not I confirm send my mother immediately to the A & E. This kind of thing don't play.... Nothing is too trivial when it comes to pain in the body.....

When visiting my mother in the hospital today, I realise it is very strange.... Only when she is staying in the hospital then I have the chance to sit down and talk to her properly.... Kind of weird that my sister and I exchanged more phone calls in the past two days when my mother is in hospital than the last 3 years combined.

Please don't start saying that I should spend more time with my mother lah, I should show her more concern lah blah blah blah.

Both of us are very busy. She holds two jobs. I work in the lab, in tuition and in school....

And I think there is enough concern to go around....

Then mother start complaining during the visit that my father don't want to come back to Singapore.... That she is very tired about rushing in and out of the house to work.... that she has to worry about a lot of things, that my father should come back to help out cause he cannot find any work, that my aunt lent us alot of money for us to get by..... and so on and so forth.....

Sick people like to say sad things.... My mother say she think Father only want to come back when she is dead to see her dead body..... Aiyah say all these things for what?

My father also very funny one.... He say come back to Singapore want to smoke also difficult.... Stay in China better cause the cigarettes are cheaper can smoke more packets....

My mother don't understand.... Actually I also don't understand..... What sort of theory is that?

I know he don't want to come back because he got nobody to talk to him here... There is better, he is more suited to the culture and way of life there, and he has more relatives there also. He is more carefree....

Personally, I don't know what to say also.... Real life has no easy answers I guess....

I want to thank my aunt though... My mother only mentioned that she is living from day to day and my aunt automatically transferred money to my mother without her asking.... But she has her own expensive medical fees to pay......And she still go to the hospital to visit my mother when she herself is not well......Bless her....

When I was young I always wished that I would grow up quickly so that I can go out whenever I want and eat whatever I want and drink all the soft drinks I want and do whatever I want.....

But now grow up already, I wished I was young and carefree again.... The world of adults have way too many dark and complex problems that I don't want to get involved in...

Just now on the MRT I realise that all these problems come about because of money... All the unhappiness comes about because of the lack of money.....

If we had money Mom no need to hold two jobs.... Father can stay in China.... My mother no need to worry about my sister's education bank loan, she also no need to worry about my second sister's education fees, she also no need to always borrow money from my aunt and feel paiseh about it....

Money is very important.... It is not everything.... but still it is something important..... It is not because I love money.... But circumstances force me. Force us.

形势.... You know? Circumstances......

Government want us to get married and have children.... Have many many.......

I can tell you now.... Over my dead body!

My own self cannot take care and feed already still want to bring children into this world to eat up my finances.... Then always make them suffer for what?

A little suffering is good for the child.... Always make it difficult for them for what?? Cannot take care of kids and have them for what?

We have enough problem kids already.....

I don't want to be like my parents like that.... worry about money... quarrel directly or indirectly over money...... Old already still have to work hard to bring money so that children can eat....

Sure got people say that's because I haven't found the person I want to have children with.... Then got others will say how is it possible that there is such a person...... Say what you like, think what you want.... Lets see how much bad karma you want to accumulate.....

Call me a radical or extremist or whatever.... You are not in my shoes and I don't think you have the right to comment....

Long time ago, my mother scolded me for even thinking of going overseas because I have no money to go....

I don't think my life is hard.... But having children will make it worse..... I don't want to have children to come share my troubles

I am not sure what I am saying.... I just know that whenever I think of all this I feel very angry and fustrated....

Angry and fustrated at what I also don't know....

Maybe there are worse off people...... I saw 'Born into Brothrels' and 'Sicko' and this and that....

Lets just say I feel pissed not just for myself.... But for all these people as well....

'天下间最难的事就是人的事' ~HKT, in real life