Boys Do Cry
Boys do cry
Today was a very unhappy day. In the morning went for the final rehearsals before we enter Kallang Theatre. Was quite worried because a lot of light cues haven settle yet and even the sound cues yesterday wasnt played well.
Yesterday third major rehearsal and I didnt do well. Sigh
So I was very worried. But when I am worried, I will never show it. When I am around people, I love to make jokes and say stupid things. Because my opinion was that how you want people to react if you show them that you are worried stressed and sad? Do you want them to offer sympathy? Then its like that you are quite an attention attracter.
I did nothing of that sort. No frowns no black face no red eyes. I put on a very strong front even though today afternoon I was the most uneasy person in the world.
My director said something which I felt was to reprimand me for my poor performance yesterday. Also, she wanted to interrupt full dress rehearsals in the theatre if she felt the techincal side was not well done. I am the overall responsible person for the technical side so its damn stressful because if she had to keep interupting I will be the worst Stage Manager on Earth
But I agree with my director. We only have two rehearsals at the theatre which is not enough. So interuptions in a full run is inevitable
Just when I was at my most uneasy, worried and tired moment... My stage manager course shifu (master/teacher) message me: "everything okay?" At that moment I become very agitated because it means so much to have your teacher to show concern for you when things are not going well.....
Sitting in front of the computer in the office, with so many people walking around, I started crying. No. It was not the cry out loud dramatic type of crying. It was just silent tears.... Lucky the computer faced a corner wall and I backfaced everyone so nobody saw at all....
But I couldnt help it. It was an undescribible feeling to find someone that you can talk to and who can help you when your darkest moment arrives... Anyway throughout the few messages she exchange, as usual for a teacher, words of encouragement were given.
No I didnt feel better.... but I felt braver....
Kongming single handedly held off 300000 troops with a zither. All because he is not afraid when he met with big problems. I always preach it to students. Now I realise sometimes its quite hard to practise it.....
Hopefully I will not 'die' like Kongming
Boys do cry....
And I realise that I really have been.....
Silent All These Years.....
Long post. Those who doesnt know what I am talking about.... its okae....
Haha
Today was a very unhappy day. In the morning went for the final rehearsals before we enter Kallang Theatre. Was quite worried because a lot of light cues haven settle yet and even the sound cues yesterday wasnt played well.
Yesterday third major rehearsal and I didnt do well. Sigh
So I was very worried. But when I am worried, I will never show it. When I am around people, I love to make jokes and say stupid things. Because my opinion was that how you want people to react if you show them that you are worried stressed and sad? Do you want them to offer sympathy? Then its like that you are quite an attention attracter.
I did nothing of that sort. No frowns no black face no red eyes. I put on a very strong front even though today afternoon I was the most uneasy person in the world.
My director said something which I felt was to reprimand me for my poor performance yesterday. Also, she wanted to interrupt full dress rehearsals in the theatre if she felt the techincal side was not well done. I am the overall responsible person for the technical side so its damn stressful because if she had to keep interupting I will be the worst Stage Manager on Earth
But I agree with my director. We only have two rehearsals at the theatre which is not enough. So interuptions in a full run is inevitable
Just when I was at my most uneasy, worried and tired moment... My stage manager course shifu (master/teacher) message me: "everything okay?" At that moment I become very agitated because it means so much to have your teacher to show concern for you when things are not going well.....
Sitting in front of the computer in the office, with so many people walking around, I started crying. No. It was not the cry out loud dramatic type of crying. It was just silent tears.... Lucky the computer faced a corner wall and I backfaced everyone so nobody saw at all....
But I couldnt help it. It was an undescribible feeling to find someone that you can talk to and who can help you when your darkest moment arrives... Anyway throughout the few messages she exchange, as usual for a teacher, words of encouragement were given.
No I didnt feel better.... but I felt braver....
Kongming single handedly held off 300000 troops with a zither. All because he is not afraid when he met with big problems. I always preach it to students. Now I realise sometimes its quite hard to practise it.....
Hopefully I will not 'die' like Kongming
Boys do cry....
And I realise that I really have been.....
Silent All These Years.....
Long post. Those who doesnt know what I am talking about.... its okae....
Haha
posted by Kian Tong at 1:45 AM
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