Resultation

The results are out

At first I was very pleasantly surprised by my CAP score which hit my minimum target and expectations. I got a four out of 5

Then when I heard my friends' results, I feel like a piece of shit getting pushed from the human canal into the toilet bowl. Because a lot of friends get 4.5 and 4.6 and 4.7. My mom asked if it is so easy to get 4.5 and above why I never get.

I kept very quiet and concentrate on my soup

In my heart I was thinking: " (insert bad word here) lah. Of course lah. They study day, they study night, they study when in Brainforest, they study when they out of Brainforest, they even study when they in shitting forest, where can dun do well"

But seriously, I feel defeated. My study partner in school also got 4.63
I sincerely feel happy for him lah. But I dun like losing to people, especially friends close to me. The feeling of defeat is not good and to me, it is super bitter....

GEKL say I very calculative and he say I shouldnt compare... He tell me now see results no use one. Must go out and see how much we earn then we know who really better. He also say results is for yourself one, not do for other people. Yeah lah but when you see how well people do den you will noe whether you do enough for yourself or not mah.

I also abit agree with him (secretly in a corner of my heart).... but it is not a good feeling to lose anyway. These words we say to ourselves because we want to escape from reality. We are less competant than other people. My teacher in huay guan oso said these consoling words to me when I got poor o level results

He say results can do well means very good oredi. Who earn most money who is the king.
But I feel like a joker now. And the present matters most....

Aiyah dun noe what shit I talking about oso actually. It is the festive season and GEKL say even want to kao beh must go back to school den start. For now must enjoy

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